Today’s post is not written to anyone, so it is long. It is a reflection of what I have gone through this week. With the very real reality of entering a very silent world. Along with the pangs of leadership experienced, especially yesterday. Really even the videos chosen at the end, though I cannot understand them, are for me. As, they serve as reminder’s of my father’s radical awesome love.
Yesterday was a tough day for me emotionally for a couple of reason’s.
Though I have been in leadership for over thirty years from entry level to entrepreneurship; there are some things that just never get easy.
One of those things is being attacked even if it is with words of “Hey this is not personal” I am not trying to be critical here. Here is news for you unless the leader is just a total hard case; everything he does is personal everything. especially if he is one who feels deeply, who moves passionately.
Then when that person is asked do you have the years of experience that the individuals making the decision, they give a reply of “what does it matter if I do or don’t.” for those of us who have been in leadership, for a while, we have heard that statement often enough to know, what is really being said is No, I don’t.
Their arrogance continues in such a way after admitting they don’t, to tell you “this is the proper way to look at things. “ Well, ever leader has been there and i have been there to many times I have lost track, but it never makes it any easier. Then the team I lead after a letter went out for one reason or another four members left, some had nothing to do with the letter. A friend someone who’s friendship I have to come to value is disappearing from the scene totally; WOW that really hurt, going to miss him. It was such someone else on the team remarked man they sure are dropping like flies.
Then there was the Hey you make a great bad cop, yes been told that before. Someone has to be the heavy hand, someone has to do it. Yet, yesterday was a day I am reminded at times I wish someone else would do it for a day, just an hour. Three assignment’s were missed, two I had to personally step in and make sure they took place; a leader’s job. There was the issue of answering a question, by the same person whose question, the same question, I had already answered. Then another issue raised by someone else after seeing the issue left by an individual who had already raised the concern, which I had already answered one on one. So because the first person didn’t get it the first time, I know must deal with the issue for a second person.
Yes, yesterday was a day to feel and be reminded of the pangs of leadership. Nothing new, all issues dealt with before, still doesn't make it easier.
Yet, it was also a day difficult for me physically, the disease was just a little more active. still hoping and praying the medication, my doctor’s have put me on continues to clear up my hearing, but right now is a scary place for me. as I face really going almost silent, so perhaps it wasn’t just the pangs of leadership that had me going yesterday.
God this is too much I can’t handle this. I canceled, a phone call I was so looking forward to, my heart was too heavy. My little sister in Christ is going through enough, I couldn’t lay anymore on her.
Even through all of this, I was reminded at the end of the day how Awesome our God is. He really does remember we are dust and he really does give us the desires of our heart, and renew our youth like the eagles.
Remember those two assignments I mentioned that I personally had to make sure got out or done. Well, one of them go used in a very powerful way to let me know, it’s OK.
As I would receive two replies that would touch me in a very powerfully way.
One was just Great job, I really love this author you quoted. This came from someone who does not always reply and does not always take part.
It was my job that he was complimenting all I did was make sure it got out. Yet, it was a decision of putting the individual in place to do the job, God was letting me know, yes you got this one right.
The other one I have know for two months about a situation a teammate was going through and was praying for. when I asked him if I could share with the team so they could pray specific as well. He asked that for the time being I would prefer to keep it just between you and I. Last night, he told the whole team about his situation, that was powerful.
Yet, it was also God going it’s my team I will bring it together and make it tighter as I am ready, and when I am ready.
Thanks Dad for caring enough about me, to grant me the desires of my heart, to renew my youth like the eagles.
Last week I asked my team what their favorite song was
I chose to close with mine at this moment. I have several, one that really means a lot to me and always has. It is not necessarily a spiritual song so to speak but it has a deep spiritual meaning to me.
I also to chose to share another one, so I hope you enjoy both.
God Bless
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